I really hope my husband doesn't try and return me for manufacturer defects, because I'm fairly certain he was thinking about. Anyway, Saturday morning, Jaron woke up and was making us breakfast. Everything was going fine, boys were eating, we were eating, talking and joking, and then.......I had a flashback.
Now it might help here to explain my definition of a flashback. It's not just thinking of those awful moments of losing Gavin. I'm actually there again. The smells, the sounds, the sights, and worst of all the intense feelings. I am lost to the world and anything going on around me. Sometimes something might trigger it, other times there is no warning no inkling that it's coming. That was Saturday.
When I come back to reality I have the "Jaron, I am trying desperately not sob hysterically, but am quickly losing the battle" face on. (That, Jaron knows all to well).
Now it starts to get funny/ cute
Jaron looks at me with the "What the heck just happened. I'm not following this turn of events" face. To which my flood gates open and the tears flow. Now Sawyer is walking over to me going "Mommy sad. Mommy cry. You okay mom? You okay mom? Mommy sad." I tell him "Yes I'm sad. Mommy misses Gavin right now." He asks me "You okay mom?" I tell him "No, not right now. My heart is sad". I leave the room and he follows in after me with an outlet plug cover in his hand. He comes over and puts the outlet cover-prong side- in my mouth and says "Here mom, here a binki for you. Sad mom? It's okay mom." So that melts my heart and I thank Heavenly Father for him. Then a few minutes later, I walk into the TV room and sit next to him and he says "Snuggle my boobies, mom" (he wanted me to put my head on his chest.) So I lay my head against his chest and he strokes my hair and says "It okay mom." and then he starts singing. (I couldn't tell you what because they weren't words that I understood except for the occasional "cry", "spider", "star", "sad". Interspersed with him stroking my hair and telling me "It okay mom". Now that brought a smile to my face. That my sweet Soybean could be so gentle with me when I was sad. ADORABLE!!!
And just so Bear doesn't feel left out. He can sign All done, Dog, and More on occasion. He waves Bye-Bye sometimes, but has gotten cheap and only uses his thumb and pointer to say it. (Think the sign for Bird). By far he is the best at signing Dog. It seems that all my boys have had a fascination with dogs.
Seriously, it's moments like these that it's easy to forgive all the kicking, screaming, and fighting. Love THEM!!! (I wish I had written it all down the moment it happened because I swear I'm leaving something out that he said. Maybe I'll have to add them later if they come to me:)
9 comments:
That is the sweetest thing Michelle! I had a similar experience once when I was crying and really sad and Tytyn was so sweet and comforted me. It melted my heart! Its so awesome how they can be so in tune with your emotions and what you need at that moment.
Barrett is so cute. He has grown up so much since I saw him. What adorable boys you have,
Kids are amazing! It shows what a great mom you are.
Ahhh! Such a sweet boy! I love the "snuggle my boobies". HAHA!! Love it. Love him. Give both squeezies a kiss from their aunt Ralae. I am so EXCITED to be seeing you all in a couple of months!!! Sooo excited!!
Precious. Kids are so wonderful for times like that. I've had many times where I've broken down and cried for many different reasons, and my kids were always there to give me hugs and kisses.
Oh my gosh, that is so sweet!
My kids constantly give me the strength to keep going. Sawyer is a special boy:)
I also have times where some trigger will take me back to that day, and I relive it all like the horrible, nightmare it was. It stills is a surreal experience that couldn't possibly have really happened. I try to force myself to think of something else as quickly as I can. What blessings that HF sent Sawyer and Bear to ease the pain and bring back the smiles and joy. Love you, Mom
Your kids are so sweet. Even when they have white stuff all over their face. ;-)
Post a Comment