Happy Birthday Gavin!!!

1 year ago. Amazing what can happen in a year. He was so funny. We had rice krispie treats because he was allergic to milk and eggs. He was kind of like "what the heck are you all doing?" about the whole affair. The icing on the rice krispies was his first introduction to processed sugar. (we never let him have sugar because the experts said not till they were two. I was so very protective of him) "Surprisingly" he loved it. Gavin, true to form, found the most interest in the grass and sticks that were scattered about the park. Even after the sugar and presents.
He started to figure out the present thing. If he ripped everything apart there would be something inside. Maybe I should've just wrapped up a bunch of sticks and rocks. Silly Guy.
Don't ask me why, but I just love his teeth. The toothy grins are my favorite pictures. So I love these. The best present of all. A stick.
Which brings us to yesterday. Gavin's 2nd Birthday. I wish he could've been there, in person. The days leading up to his birthday were awful. I cried so much. Just thinking about that day made me sick with hurt. I just miss him so much. You would think there had to be some kind of limit on that kind of missing. But there is not. Gratefully, his actual birthday was nice. I think the Lord sent a few extra angels to be with us that day. Jaron and I went up to his grave early in the day so I could sit and cry and get it all out before his birthday party started. The bunny I'm holding was Gavin's dancing partner. And my sister-in-law Ralae sent up a dog that Gavin's cousin Joshua picked out for him. And what parents would we be without incorporating Green into the day. This was the only time that night that I had to work so hard to hold back the tears. My eyes were full to capacity, but they didn't spill over. I didn't want them to. My main goal was to make Gavin's Birthday fun for his cousins, why? Because I want them to WANT to remember Gavin. I know if I am always crying about him they won't want to bring him up because it just makes Michelle sad. So I worked very hard to make it fun. And it was.

The day started with all of Gavin's favorite foods. No choices. Hot dogs only. We had a fruit salad with Watermelon and Blueberries being the most important items in there, and Green rice krispie treats. We had the cousins that were here blow out Gavin's Candle on his behalf. Then the kids all opened their presents from Gavin. Hopefully, they loved it. My hope is that every year they'll think "Yes, Gavin's birthday is coming!! Whoa!" We watched some video of Gavin being Gavin, laughing at all the funny things he did. Then we went up to the cemetery and let go balloons for him. That was the hardest part. I just wish this wasn't our reality. But it is, and it's hard and I have to keep convincing myself of it. It's still so easy to believe that none of this can be true, it's all in my head. So we sent the balloons off, and then they boys went running through the cemetery having a great time. That's good. I'm glad that it can be fun for them. Hopefully the rest of Gavin's sibling will find the same fun there.

Overall it was a good day, with family. I wish that everyone could have been there. And hopefully there will be more pictures to follow of the celebrations that they had in Gavin's behalf. I am touched when I look at the picture above and think about all the people that loved that little boy. And so many of them not present in the picture. I love him so much. Words fail trying to express such tender feelings for that celestial little being. How grateful we are to have him as part of our Eternal Family. Thank you to all who sent prayers on our behalf and the sweet gestures that were made. Thank you.

Happy 2nd Birthday Gavin!!! One more birthday closer to holding you again! We love you.

Mama and Dad