When your faith fails you that is what your hope is for...

Jessica speaking:

I heard the above quote a couple of weeks ago in a meeting for church. The speaker was Elder Holland's son, who, I believe is currently the president of UVU. He was talking about finding his eternal companion and he had decided to implement a plan to find her that wasn't going very well. He said that his faith was gone. He had tried and nothing had worked, but that his hope took over. He didn't have faith anymore, but he hoped that God would fulfill his promises to him still. The end of the story is he went on another date soon after and found his wife. I loved this story for a couple reasons, but foremost because it reminded me of my experience after Gavin went home. Gavin's Angel Day was this past Wednesday. Of course, it's a time to think about him a lot. Often it is not the happy memories you think about, but the sad ones. Soon after Gavin passed away I would find myself questioning my faith, but as soon as I recognized that was what I was doing I'd say, "Fine I'm not sure about everything, but I hope the I'll see him again one day so I'll choose to believe that fact."
I was studying my scriptures this morning when what I'd been feeling recently I could finally formulate into words. I wrote this in my journal, "Just imagine the times you miss someone so badly. You are so excited to see them again. That's what brings so much comfort and hope from the gospel as restored by Joseph Smith. Because of the knowledge he restored we know we can have the best family reunion ever with Gavin and other family members we don't even remember. It means this life is not all, and just as you would anticipate a vacation or holiday to see the ones you love, you anticipate the Resurrection and Millenium. Only more so and deeper because you had to wait a lot longer to see them again and you had to work harder to be able to get there. Thus, your hard work paid off and the anticipation that has been building for years and years is finally relieved. And what's more...it's perfect. You have been raised and glorified so everything around you is perfect and you have the knowledge that your loved ones will never have to be gone from you like that again." So when my faith fails me that family reunion is a GREAT thing to hope for.
Love you Gavin. I'm so excited to see you again! Love Jessimama