My little boy

Gavin is such a sweet spirit. (And he sticks his tongue out when concentrating just like his mom!)

I've been struggling recently. When we first lost Gavin, I felt completely surrounded by angels and spirits that we couldn't see, but I knew were there lifting us and carrying us along. The increase of spirit was amazing. "The Comforter" had new and real meaning for me. But as time has gone on, I've literally felt some of these beings leaving me, to fend on my own. It's hard to be so reliant for peace on these unseen people, and then to have to stand on your "own" again. It's been a struggle, but I've had several experiences this week that have strengthened me. I know my Gavin is still here. He knows my heart and the amount that I miss him. He misses me too. So the experience:

I went to institute this week (for those that don't know is like school, but you study the scriptures) and we were talking about the Book of Mormon. Well the teacher says "Have any of you ever been rocked? Something happens in your life and you feel shaken to the core?" nobody said anything, but I was thinking, "mmmm Yeah" and then he said "Am I the only one?" to which I raised my hand. Then he spoke about how when those moments come and you feel broken to stop and look at what you KNOW. Look at your foundation. (That statement was an answer to prayer, a direct answer.) Then this next part stole my breath away. He said "To those of you who have lost a loved one, did you know that prayer doesn't stop when we die. Your loved one continue to pray for you even after they left this life. I don't know why I've gotten off on this topic, but oh well." I wanted to stand and shout "Gavin, I know you are here. I know that those are your words to me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!" There was no doubt in my mind that those words that the instuctor "didn't know why" he was saying them were whispers from Gavin. He prays for us. He prays for us everday, just as Jaron and I pray for him. I justed bawled at that point. After the lesson I went up to the instuctor and told him that the reason we got so off on a tangent was because of me. That I had lost my son in August. And those words were the ones I so desperatly needed to hear. What a precious little boy I have. And how greatful I am for the gospel. When it seems I can't go any further, I've reached my limit. The Lord in his sweetest mercies sends a measure of strength. What a blessing it was this week to hear from my son.