Things I'm missing today

I don't know if it was the recent snow storm or the cold moving in finally, but I've been missing Gavin. (like that ever stops, but it's more then usual. Whatever usual means.) I would put pictures on here of him but our computer is not working so you'll just have to live with my memories. The things I'm missing today

1. Those super wet, open mouth kisses with a "lah" at the end. (Can't forget the noise can we Gavin?). One of my favorite memories, probably the one I treasure most, Was when I went garage saleing with Amiee. Jaron watched Gavin. I think it was the first time I had left him, awake and knowing I was gone. When I got home, I peaked my head in the door. Jaron said "Gavin look whose here." and I started to sing-song say "Gavin" quietly. Gavin looked at me and speed crawled over to me, I picked him up and he snuggled into my neck for 5 seconds then popped his head up and kissed me!!! It was the first time he ever gave me a kiss with out me asking. It was all on his own. My heart melted. I knew I had done the right thing, to chose to stay home with Gavin, to not work, to just be his MOM.

2. The way he would imitate me. One day my throat itched so I was clearing it. Gavin's back was to me. When I cleared my throat, he stopped what he was doing and and looked towards the door. I did it again, and he started running to me looking over his shoulder at the door. I did it again and he looked at me, really confused, his expression said "I thought there was a monster coming, but it's my mom!! My mom is the monster". I did it one more time and laughed to show him it was alright. Then he broke into his mischievous "oh i get it" grins and started making the same noise. From then on, randomly, if he felt like we hadn't laughed enough today, he would make that noise and smile and laugh. And wait for me to join him. That was an automatic joke in his book.

3.The way he would try to help out. Vacuuming and sweeping started to take me 4X as long. Gavin always wanted to help. When ever I would do either, he would come over and put his hand on the handle and help push it. It would only go about 6 inches, so those 6 inches of floor would be super clean. I'd have to nudge him off and clean the next 3 feet in a hurry before he ran back over and put his hand on it to help. He was such a sweet boy.

4.The way he acted all grown up/comedian. I had started to read scriptures and pray with Gavin before bed time. I don't know why but he thought praying was hilarious. He actually laughed the first couple times I would fold his arms and pray. Then he stopped laughing, so I would peek my eye open to see what he was doing, and he's be looking at me with the biggest grin on his face. The day before he went home, we were in the Kitchen and I looked over at him and he was walking around with his arms folded, very slowly. Smiling as big as his cheeks would let him. I don't know why that was so funny in his book, but in mine, it's a treasured memory.

5. How he would sign. It was so much fun to teach him sign language. To see his expression change and he watched me sign a word, and him look at his hands to see how he could make them work like that. Then how his face would light up when he figured it out. And look at me like "look, MOM, i did it! I figured it out!!!" Oh how I love that. It was so awsome to have a peak into what he was thinking. HE loved DOGS!!!! How fun to see him get so excited when he saw one and start frantically signing and saying "Dah" . It took Gavin 6 mo to sign back at me. I was getting so frustrated with it, about ready to give up. But I stuck it out, and I am so glad I did. Each of his signs is a jewel in my mind. Another thing to miss so deeply. Those sweet little, chubby hands doing their best to communicate.

How do you love some one so much? The Lord must know what he's doing. That's the only thing i can think of. Because when you love someone so much, the hurt goes just as deep (maybe deeper). I really just miss him today. I feel like a little child. I want to ask Heavenly Father "ARE WE THERE YET?!?!?" in that annoying exasperated way children do. Is eternity almost here? Because it sure seems like it's taking awhile.