Well, I'm making progress. I was thinking last night that when Gavin passed away, I would've given anything for the Lord to take me too. In fact that whole year, it wouldn't have been entirely bad if I was able to leave this world and join my little Gavibear. I still think of him constantly, which I believe will happen the rest of my life. Unfortunately, it seems that every morning I go over the events of finding him. I try and push those away, it's still too much. Those thoughts seem to come whenever I am trying to relax and fall asleep. One baby step at a time right? The progress is that, I don't know that I would be as grateful for death anymore. (Weird, I know) But progress still the same. Now I have a little one here on this earth and little one in heaven. I no longer yearn to die, but yearn to be as an entire family again. Probably a weird post for most of you to read. It was just a little exciting, when that thought came to my mind. Death is no longer scary, but I don't necessarily want it either.
Rereading this it sounds so weird from the point of view of not losing a child, but I'm going to post it anyway. Good Luck trying to make sense of it:)
8 comments:
It makes perfect sense to me. You've summed it up perfectly - we just want to be together as a family.
I love looking at pics of your handsome boys!
Progress is progress. That's great that you are even making those baby steps. Hopefully things can only get easier from here, right?
GAvin wants you to be happy and make progress. I am sure this pleases him.
Michelle:
Perfect sense!!! But then again I've lost Wyatt so I can totally relate with everything you posted. Everything you stated is soooo true! Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being so good to me as well and for your sweet comments. You are wonderful. I think of you each and everytime I hear or sing "Love is Spoken Here"(which by the way is Hayley's new favorite bed time song)...thanks for sharing that amazing moment in your life. I will always think of you and your Gavibear with that song.
Love,
Andrea
Keep holding the Savior's Hand. He can guide each of those baby steps.
Even baby steps are important! Sometimes it seems that a daily assessment does not show much progress, but those baby steps add up, even if there are stumbles and a few steps backward at times. Miraculously, after more time goes by, those steps add up and you look back and see that you really have made progress. I love you, Mom.
It makes sense. I'm glad you are making progress. Stay close to the savior.
As a mother it seems like you can never give enough to your children. Yet your giving all you can. It is hard to put your son in the Saviors hands and know that despite all the love you can give that precious child the Savior can do more. My living children and thier need for me has pulled me through many of the chanllenges I have faced this year.
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